Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
