What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Can Purell be used as lube?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
