this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
