I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
