is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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