i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize