I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
