I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
