I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
