areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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