mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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