I think i peed on brittanys purse
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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