did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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