im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
