I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
