The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize