my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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