You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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