just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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