she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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