Plan B is the new Plan A
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
