I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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