We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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