Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
