I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
