Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We got so high we made milksteak
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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