He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
