his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
MIDGETS
????
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
