Taylor Swift is so right about you.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Never underestimate the power of titties
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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