If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
