I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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