Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
