my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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