Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
