your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He's on the porch naked. Help.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
