did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I think my vagina is haunted
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
