that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize