you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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