just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize
