her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
