i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
