I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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