I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I am mentally ready for anal.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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