this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
