She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
