Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
