I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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