Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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