There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
