We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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