During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
