You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
