i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
