That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
