I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
