We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
