Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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