Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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