We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
