just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
