he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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