omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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