He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
