dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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