I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
