Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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