the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
