i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
