Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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