my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Im part way to drunk.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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